Is He Right For Me?

I needed to type this up for another reason, so I figured I would include it here:

One summer, way back when I only had two kids, I was going through a Bible study. The first day of the study we had to introduce ourselves by giving our name and when we accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior. Somehow those words just really hit me. When it came around to me I gave my name and when I'd accepted Christ as my Savior, but had to admit that I'd never really made Him my Lord. I remember saying I'd have to work on that.

Well, God worked me on that through the rest of the summer. I was really doing well having a daily quiet time since the study was a 5 day a week thing. With a baby who cried all the time I needed all 7 days to get those 5 days in. And I was giving this my all.

EVERY day when I would close my study time with prayer, God would ask me the same question: "If I asked you to leave your husband and your children, would you do it?" I knew He'd never really ask me that, but I also knew that wasn't the point. Every day I tried to answer honestly. I couldn't bring myself to say no to God, but I couldn't honestly say yes either. Each day I just answered with, "Please don't ask me that." and quickly said Amen.

But as I continued to study His Word and pray more and more often, I grew a lot closer to Him. I began to understand why people could refer to Jesus as a friend and my trust grew. My baby was healed by God that summer of a stomach disorder that should have required surgery and that went a long way toward helping me trust and love God.

Finally one day God asked the same question. "If I asked you to leave your husband and your children, would you do it?" This time I was able to honestly answer that "Yes, Lord. I trust You. If You asked me to leave them I would have to believe that it was what was best for them and for me. I would obey You."

At that moment I was given a vision of a pair of filmstrips. One of them was from my life and the other was from Roger's. They were laid one over the other so that I could see that everything in his life led him to me and everything in my life led me to him. It was God's plan for us to be together. He gave me the most precious gift of knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was absolutely with the right man. And of course God would never ask me to leave him.

I believe I received this gift because I submitted to His Lordship. He really wants us to surrender all to Him and oh how sweet to trust in Jesus. It's not just a lot of words we sing over and over in hymns. It's real. He's real.

Riches in Glory

One way I can be more of a Mary (rather than Martha) is to trust God to provide. It seems like everywhere I turn lately God is showing me how He can provide.

Here's a scripture I want to study some more. It's the verse my 5 and 8 yr olds are supposed to memorize for Sunday School. (See how God just bombards you with things when He is trying to make a point.) It's found in Philippians 4:19 "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

According to His riches in glory. Wow. That sounds like a lot. The king of kings wants to supply my needs according to His riches in glory. Not just supply my needs so that I can squeak by. Not just grudgingly give me enough to survive. He wants to supply all my need richly.

I think there will be more on this subject as He keeps teaching me about it.

The Reason for the Title

I always like to know how people come up with their blog titles. So I'll explain mine.

There are a lot of ways that I feel that I am different. I have a large family and am fine with the idea of it getting even larger. I home school, home birth. I don't vaccinate my children. And when it comes to my faith I have a lot of thoughts and ideas that just don't seem to fit with any one Christian denomination. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. But one thing is for sure. I feel different. So there's one reason for the title.

I always wanted to be a stay home mom, but I used to always say I would NEVER have more than two kids. So my life has turned out quite differently than I ever imagined. I also used to say I'd never live on a farm and that is quite different now, too.

And then there's the fact that many of the other title ideas I had were already taken.

Mary or Martha?

Are you familiar with the story about Mary and Martha? Mary sits at the feet of Jesus and listens to Him talk while Martha does all the work preparing their meal. Martha thinks that Mary should help and basically Jesus tells them that Mary has her priorities straight.

This has always been a hard one for me to understand. And the more children I have the more I struggle with it. There is ALWAYS work to be done and if someone doesn't do it no one will eat, have clean clothes to wear, a place to sit down (due to all the filth everywhere), and so on. So how could Jesus say that Mary was the one who was right? Shouldn't we get the work done and THEN sit and talk.

That's another thing I feel God is trying to teach me right now. That He will provide. Will He provide the food and clothes we need if I don't prepare it and go shopping? I'm still trying to figure that one out.

But lately I've felt that God is trying to tell me that life isn't about getting things done. It's about love. If we don't show love, if we don't feel love, what does all the rest matter? And if I do love others, they are much more likely to want what I have--Jesus in my life--than if I'm always working hard. And how do I show love if I'm always busy getting things done?

I would argue that some of the things I do show love to my family. That's important.

But that's not the end. With God I never really get the last word. I might stop listening, but I don't win the arguments.

My daughter Joy and I seem to clash too frequently. She's five and there's a bluntness in her words. She told me one day that she thinks I'm boring. Ouch. It wasn't one of those moments where she was trying to be mean. She was just trying to explain things to me. Dad is fun. He plays with her. Mom is boring. She just works all the time. Dad works a lot too. What's the difference? He plays. I just keep working. But I'm rarely done so I feel I can't quit.

I think that's what Jesus is talking about. We will always have the work. But the kids grow up way too fast. If I don't stop and find time to build those relationships, it will be too late. If I don't stop and take time to listen to God it's often too late.

So I need to be like Mary and do what needs to be done. That seems so very backward to me. How can I know what to do each day? I figure if I would just take a few minutes each day and pray and ask God, "What do YOU want me to do today?" then He'll give me my top priority for the day. He's done it before and those always end up being such wise choices for my day. So I'm going to try to do it every day. Then take the time to listen.

I want to be like Mary. It really sounds much more enjoyable.